Those Advice shared by A Father Which Saved Us when I became a New Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of being a father.

Yet the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You need assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger inability to talk amongst men, who still internalise damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a show of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a break - taking a few days overseas, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I think my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."